A SEASON OF REFINING AND GRACE.

April, what a month it has been. A month marked by trials, tears, and moments that stretched me in ways I did not expect. There were highs that gave me hope and lows that nearly broke me. And yet, through it all, one thing has remained constant: God has been there.

He has been my provider when I did not know where provision would come from. My shelter when everything around me felt uncertain. My quiet strength in moments when I felt like I had none left. If anyone were to ask whether I have a testimony, I would not just raise one hand; I would raise both. Because I have seen Him. I have felt Him. I have experienced His goodness in ways I cannot deny.

God has used different people this month to remind me of who He is. Through them, I have seen His mercy, His love, and the truth of “I AM WHO I AM.” My family showed up for me in ways that humbled me. They became vessels of His grace, stepping in right when I needed them most.

There is a song by Zabron Singers, “Nimeuona mkono wa Bwana,” "I have seen the hand of the Lord.” This month, that song became personal. Because truly, I have seen His hand at work in my life.

I have come to understand more deeply that His thoughts are not my thoughts, and His ways are not my ways. No matter how much I try to plan, arrange, or make sense of things, the outcome is never fully in my control. Only He knows. Only He sees the full picture. And that realization has been both humbling and freeing.

This season has taught me silence, not the absence of sound, but the stillness required to hear Him. It has taught me to trust Him fully, not people, not circumstances, not my own understanding. Just Him.

It has also pushed me inward. Into my own space. Into my room. Into conversations I had been avoiding conversations with myself, and ultimately, with God. At first, they were uncomfortable, even painful. But over time, they became easier. Honest. Healing. I have found a place where I can lay everything before Him without fear.

In the midst of it all, I found my way back to my Bible, the one that had been sitting, untouched, collecting dust. Page by page, I have returned to it, slowly rediscovering truth and comfort. Walking through scripture again, even following teachings like those of Pastor Jon Courson, has reminded me that God’s word is alive and present, even when I drift away.

And then there is my mother. My constant. She would call and gently remind me, “It is just a season… a passing time… a moment of refining.” Sometimes I would wonder if she truly understood how heavy things felt for me. There were days I wanted to give up completely. Days I felt exhausted from trying. But somehow, right at those breaking points, she would call. And I would find myself asking, “God, was that You?” And in that moment, I would laugh, because deep down, I knew it was.

Then there is Judy, my friend, my fighter. The late-night calls, the shared tears, the unfiltered conversations. She became a safe space where I could say the things I struggled to say out loud. And even through her, I saw God. Because somehow, at the right time, she would reach out. As if she was sent.

April is also the month of Good Friday and Easter. A time that speaks of sacrifice, suffering, and redemption. A reminder that pain is not the end of the story. That through suffering, there is hope. That through death, there is resurrection. Jesus conquered it all: sin, pain, despair, and in Him, there is victory.

And this is what April has been for me;

A season of sacrifice.

A season of surrender.

A season of quiet battles and unseen victories.

As I step into a new month, I do so differently. Not because everything is perfect, but because I have been changed. I pray for more grace. For deeper strength. For a faith that does not waver, even when things remain uncertain.

I have learned where to look. I have learned who to depend on.

And that is God.